Holidays mean a lot of things to many people. To some it means no early morning rush. And holiday’s  mean- well double the work. Holidays are when we invariably work the most. Cleaning the mess endlessly, conjuring snacks round the clock, and tearing apart the siblings from a fight, outings …well the list can get really long. Most parents with young children would agree that the greatest challenge is to keep the kids occupied. Some tried and tested techniques…..

1. Get them involved with things at home- bring them to help you clean the place. Small kids love to help and get the “pat-on-back” after the accomplished task. You can give them a star, cut-out in paper, or buy readymade stickers. They would be more than happy to collect the stars and display it to their friends or “Dads”.
2. Cook with them, for them. Kids love messing their fingers –make “designer chapattis “or cookies or even bake cake with them. Let them make a shape they like and they would love to eat it after you have cooked it for them. A sandwich with different faces is a great idea to get them to eat veggies.  Grated beetroot or carrot for hair, olives for eyes, and tomatoes for mouth…let your creativity flow with children, while making sandwiches.
3. Lal Bagh or Cubbon Park is a treat to be early in the morning. Kids can take their  football or badminton and you can play with your children amidst lush greenery and fresh air. Good for you, good for the kids, good for your heart and lungs.
4. Get crafty. Make crafts which involve clay, paint, water and kids. Oh what a beautiful mess it will be!

Holidays can be fun and interesting if we want them to be. Break the routine- break the rules. It’s time for some light fun!!

We as kids remember being CARE-FREE. Without any worry or fear. Our environment was secure and we were in our comfort zones. We knew all the kids in the neighborhood and our parents knew each other. We didn’t know what violence meant and or kidnapping was. We climbed trees and played gully cricket with boys on the street. We didn’t know stress. All we knew was to have pure fun.

Some kids today are CARE-LESS – don’t care about the consequence of their actions. There is a lot of insecurity, peer pressures, expectations, fear…

Happy Homes make happy societies and happy societies make happy Nations. Happiness is where heart is and heart is where love is. And where is love?

Love is lost. Where and how? This is probably one question we must ask ourselves. Here are some bonding tips with children…

1. Prioritize- Family first and all else can wait. Trust me if there is anything that is of any worth to you and it is meant for you, it will wait anyways.
2. Schedule time out for family. You need to listen to your children and let them speak to you every day and tell you what is happening in their lives. If we listen close enough it would solve most potential and threatening problems that we may have to face later.
3. Have family one meal together with your children. The family that eats together stays together.
4. Family vacations are good bonding time with your children. Maybe even a “Dad and son day out” or “Mom and daughter day out” should work well. Sons open up to dad’s better and daughters to their moms. The same gender requirements are understood better.
5. Teach them to love one another and respect other’s feelings.

It is just one small step that needs to start from home. And it can go a long way in making a beautiful place for our children.

LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

Think of this- if there was love brewing in the hearts and minds of Pakistanis and Indians or between US and Iraq or even between every single person alive then what would the world look like? Imagine if all the terrorists had love for all mankind, just as they loved themselves- would our world be any different? If all the criminals, prisoners’ and trouble makers were filled with only love and compassion for others would we able to create another “heaven on earth?” Well sounds too farfetched? Fathom this- if all the daughter’s in laws loved their mother’s-in-laws and all the mother’s in laws adored their daughter’s in laws, we would create magic (I got your attention didn’t I?)

On the flip side the only negative result of this kind of a “Love Bug” is loss of thousands of jobs- of all the cops and maybe all the army and military forces!

Welcome back to the real world!

If love is so powerful imagine the affect it can have on our children. All parents love their children but how they express their love is what makes a difference. Love need not necessarily mean fulfilling all their wants and demands. It means spending quality time with them. Listening to children and not just hearing them can bring out a lot of their hidden emotions. They may be saying one thing but actually meaning something else. They may be saying “I want a new toy” but actually mean “ I am bored and I need you to spend some time with me”. We can’t change the world but we can make a difference as parents, who bring up responsible and loving future adults. A disturbed childhood may produce an insecure and an excessively aggressive adult. A secure and a loving environment on the other hand paves way for a secure and a confident adult.

It’s easier said than done. After a long and tiring day it does get difficult to be patient with children. Trust me when I say it gets really very difficult at times. I handle more than 2 children of my own each day.

One small brick of love each day eventually builds a strong foundation for our better future.

Love me or hate me the truth will remain.

I have realized as parents we always strive to be “perfect”. And it is this trait which sends us on a guilt trip every once in a while. I was being too hard on myself as a mother always correcting myself, always looking for ways to be “the perfect mother”. Very ambitious, very very ambitious indeed. No offense meant to the “perfect parents”. I am not. I am only human.

We don’t live in a perfect world. We don’t exactly have a “perfect job”, “perfect marriage”, “Perfect friends”, “perfect situations” well let’s face it- We don’t have a perfect life. I believe that it is this imperfectness is what makes life all the more interesting. A little compromise here, a little anger there, a little shouting here, a little smiling there, lots of love all the way…a little of everything gives life something new to look forward to everyday. The point I am trying to make is…its ok to falter once in a while. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and laugh it off your system. Everyone makes mistakes. You are allowed to make mistakes, as long as it doesn’t affect your child on a negative tangent.

Kids are never the same on any 2 given days. Today if noodles are their favorite food then tomorrow its pizza.  If today “Vaibhav” is their best friend, then tomorrow its “saurav”. If today they love “daddy” more than “mummy” then tomorrow it’s the other way round (Just wait for your turn, it will definitely come!). Their needs and wants will last a long time and you sure have a life time to fulfill it. If you can’t buy them their wants today don’t take a guilt trip. You have a tomorrow. Smile. If you went overboard trying to discipline your child, don’t take the guilt trip. Tomorrow they will know why you did what you did. You have the best interest of your child in mind and sooner or later they will know it. Don’t waste your today with your children and your spouse taking a de-tour on a “guilt-trip”.

You are the best parent your child can get. Know it, learn it, live it.

We want the best for children and we don’t mean to harm our children. All we want to do is tell them to better themselves in a specific area. But the fact is by comparing we are playing with their emotions and inducing insecurities in them. As adults we don’t want to compare against another how much more a small child? Comparing reveals the negative aspects of a child and may not result in a progress in that area. On the flip side comparing also gives the unnecessary ego boost to child. Over confidence is as bad as diffidence.

Each child is unique on its own and each is a beautiful creation in itself. Every child is born with some talent and we as parents need to unearth that potential. Are we as parents aware of That Hidden Talent in them? We need to shift our focus from their negatives and focus on the positives. If some child is inclined towards sports he may not be academic oriented. The number of sports personalities who have fared well in life without academics is something that we are all aware of. Music and theatre for one is another challenging industry. If all the children were “computer geeks” or “the A+ graders” then we are heading towards a major disaster. We would have no future entertainers or no new “sachin’s”. We would have no life. Unimaginable.

I know of so many parents that compare children with others regarding their academic performance. The times are changing. Academics alone is not a stepping stone to success. “Street smartness” as we would call it, is that additional knowledge of how to a handle a given situation smartly, gives that cutting edge. Encourage the children and talk about what they can be rather than that what they are. They may not be the best today, but we as parents can help them focus on their strengths. Try saying one positive thing about a child everyday and you will see that change in your children you want them to be.

Welcome to parenthood – probably one of the greatest challenges of life.

Before I was a parent, giving birth to children felt so normal. Everybody does it all over the world. My parents did and so will I. There was nothing great about it. Oh how wrong I was. I realized the gravity of the situation only when a small bundle of life was handed over to me. My first reaction was “oh how cute and adorable”. It’s the only time you will be kicked, punched, and peed all over and still love it all. It’s amazing how this small bundle of joy can move us to tears one second and send us into peals of laughter the next. You can be a CEO of the world’s greatest organization but you will be rendered powerless in front of a small tear that your child sheds. The whole world comes crumbling down until you see a smile back on your child’s face.

The challenge is to keep the smile on your child’s face and yours.

Our environment goes a lot into molding our children’s future and their life. The repercussions of our actions can have a lasting impression on a child. The making of a human is so complex that it has its own system to digest and repair what has been done. Right from fulfilling physical needs to emotional and social needs both parents and children go through a variety of experiences – good, bad and ugly! A little extra care and concern can go a long way in paving a healthy relationship – something to treasure and cherish.

Love is a wonderful thing. Love and only love conquers all, repairs the damages and brings the lost smile back. Love can even get your lost child back. It’s never too late. Just remember to express your love to your children.

Ever heard of unconditional love?

2. Every day as a child wakes up, there is a whole new world of challenges to explore. The curiosity to find new things, the enthusiasm, and the energy in which he takes life head on is awesome. The same spirit invoked in us can brighten a rather monotonous day, and as we explore newer things we add a new dimension to our life.

3. Children, on their own (unless instructed by adults), love to share whatever they have and with whomever they are with. They share joy, their cookies, toys and it’s a pleasure to see them work in unity. Some kids even share sadness. When they see other kids cry they wipe their tears and even comfort them. And do they expect anything in return? Have you ever tried making someone else’s day? Or sharing simple pleasures of life with someone less fortunate?

4. Children love simplicity and those simple things that life has to offer. A puppy or a butterfly, a hug and a smile. Simple things like sand and water bring them more joy than an expensive toy. Hug your children today and say you love them. They will love it and what this can do for you is inexplicable.

If decisions can make or break lives then it’s definitely important to understand its value. And then comes Accountability… for the consequences.

Kids are individuals who are capable of thinking and evaluating just like us elders. Only that we have experience to back our decisions. No disputing that. In many homes kids don’t have the liberty to DECIDE, simply because we have already decided that they can’t decide. Why? They are too young, immature and may not take the right decision. True. I agree.

Teach Kids to take decisions on certain things that will help them evolve as stronger individuals.

My son had a school program recently and a very famous and renowned musician presided the occasion. He was telling us that his parents were very keen on him becoming a doctor and long story short, he opted for a degree in commerce. He had to finally give shape to his dream of becoming a musician after his college by starting to learn instruments and study music. The entry into his dream realm was pushed by many years of futile study in the wrong field. It was a matter of a decision going wrong initially, which costed him a lot of time and effort getting wasted.

We as parents want our kids to live our dream. We tend to push our decisions on them. We make all the decisions for our children and when they have to make their own decisions some time in life, they don’t know how to.

Kids are smarter then we think they are. Help them make simple decisions like a choice of food, clothes, books or an outing they may like. Make them responsible for the consequences. Help them understand and above all respect them as individuals and they will eventually grow up to be very responsible and mature adults.

Discipline is about teaching children appropriate behavior and helping them become independent and responsible people. A key part of growing up is learning how to deal with the results of one’s actions.

Discipline emphasizes the positives. Punishment emphasizes the negatives.

Discipline is an ongoing process rather than a punishment which is a onetime occurrence to the incident that took place. Discipline sets examples.

Few pointers that may help:

1. Stay calm. TRY and stay calm.
2. Speak in a normal tone. Control the volume of your speech. Kids are intimidated by the size of the adults and a towering adult with a loud voice will only do more harm than good. The best thing to do is get down to the level of your child, look them in the eye and take control of the situation.
3. Understand the situation and your child, and listen to his explanation. Most often than not, it is the answer you are looking for.
4. Use fewer and simpler words that the child may understand better. Be clear in your speech and focus on what is expected of them in the given situation.
5. Diverting the kid’s attention to something else other than the thing in focus is another option.
6. Never Strike in Anger. Research has shown that hitting your child does not help and can do more damage. Try to avoid striking your child in anger. Spanking is not effective in reducing poor behavior, as it does not teach children good behavior.
7. Don’t Yell or shout at children, try to avoid yelling at your children in anger. Do not put down your children. If they break a rule, tell them what they did wrong and why that makes you angry. Be angry at what they did, NOT at who they are.
8. Get away, when you feel frustrated, angry or uncontrollable; let your feelings out safely away from your children. Take a walk. Do not stay alone with your children when you are overwhelmed. Get help and support.

Discipline will take your kids a long way.

Why do kids ask WHY? And why do they question everything there is and everything there isn’t?

Analyze this.

On an average a four year old asks about 400 questions in a day. And why do they ask? It’s simple. They want to know. They want to learn. One of the basic differences between an intelligent child and the not- so-intelligent child is the number of questions they ask. When they question they learn. Their thinking pattern evolves. They then move on to the next WHY! The brain is designed as a pattern detector; perceiving relationships and making CONNECTIONS that are fundamental to the learning process. Brain activity in children aged 3 to 10 is more than twice that of the adults, and although new synapses continue to be formed throughout life, the brain will NEVER be able to master new skills so readily or rebound from setbacks so easily. By the age 3, the brain has formed about 1,000 trillion connections—about twice as many as adults have. After they have crossed “the promise years” at the age of 10, connections that are used repeatedly in the early years become permanent; those that are not are eliminated.

Fact

Though it is known that a child’s intelligence is determined largely on genetics, research shows that by an active participation of the child in various activities, we can ensure growth in the intellectual capabilities of the child. Effective teaching enables children to use all their senses and intelligences.

The next time you are busy working and choose to ignore your child’s “not-so-important question”, think again. Oops, your child just made a new connection!